plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
FUCK WHALES
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
