we have officially lost it.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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