Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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