when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize