you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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