When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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