he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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