Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
