so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
