I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
