I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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