he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I want to fling myself into the sun
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
