I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
