So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
