Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
