My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
