i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
