found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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