Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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