so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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