Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
