I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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