He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
