nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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