Jerry, you need to find god
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
