ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
