Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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