He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
pop tarts are not kleenex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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