Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
