dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
