I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
