And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
