Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
