awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
