You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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