things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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