last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
