my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
