No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize