if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
