Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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