bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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