He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
