I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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