OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
