Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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