So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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