dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
