im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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