Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize