dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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