I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
