worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
