is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
