So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
