It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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