While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
