is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
