just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
