I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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