i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
