Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
