.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I currently don't understand fingers.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
