guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
