Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
