Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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