It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
