After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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